Story of a Broken Heart
by Breesasha
Summary: A 3rd person account of Kagome's trials and pain coming from Inuyasha's verbal and emotional abuse. Rated M for language. No lemons


Story of a broken heart

This is the story of a girl named Kagome; One very unique, very special girl. All she wanted was to have friends, to get good grades and to find her one true love. She wasn't even looking for much….she wasn't looking for a knight in shining armor or some prince to whisk her off her feet, all she wanted was someone to be loyal by her side, to catch her when she falls, to make her laugh when she's sad and ask her what's wrong when she's angry.

She thought she found him, the one guy that was perfect for her. Inuyasha was, at first, a true sweet heart. He always called her, talked on the phone long hours till she went to bed, he'd say "I love you" 5 times a day and wake her up in the morning. He was sweet, and made her feel like a queen.

But then one day he changed, he stopped doing the things he use to do….the things she fell in love with. He became almost a new person, she hardly knew this person anymore, he wasn't the one she'd fallen for, he wasn't anything like that guy. He was emotionless, harsh, cold towards her. She felt her heart break into so many little pieces, just crumbling on the floor.

Other people noticed, her mood changed, she didn't smile as much as she used to, she had turned as cold as he was. Her vibrant personality had faded into a bitter one. She faded away in a world of hurt & pain, one that he brought on. The poor girl, she never had a chance. She fell for him too fast, and it was a painful fall. Love wasn't her enemy, not at all. She loved love, and everything it stood for. The feeling it gave her in her stomach, how it took over her thoughts, made her feel as light as air. It was awesome.

The enemy was always the person she fell in love with, he broke her. Every time she tried to be careful, to avoid getting attached she'd fall. Head first into love, she was so blinded to the guy's flaws, his awful behavior. She only saw the wonderfulness; she only saw the good in him. She let some much stuff slip by, she was so forgiving. Allowed herself to be used and abused over and over again. She was only so patient; she had a temper, one that was very dangerous. She hated to share with others; she was not one to give up something special to her that included guys.

She was one to turn a blind eye to all his bad behaviors, but she was not one to share him with another bitch. Even if he treated her like crap and made her beg like a dog, she would not share a thing of his (his time, his attention, his anything….) with another girl. Regardless of the situation. She could not stand by while the guy she had her eye on flirted openly with another girl. She was not possessive, nor was she jealous. Because those are stupid emotions that only applied to other girls. No…she was greedy. She refused to share because he was all hers, and if he wasn't, well she got mad. She'd go days not talking to him; as much as it hurt her (both emotionally and mentally) she did it to prove a point.

Chapter 2

Well even though Kagome was very patient & very understanding, she had a limit (as far out as it was) that he just pushed, she used her friends to bounce things off of. He was too conceded, too lazy, too stupid, to see where he was wrong.

He wanted her to fight for him, wanted her to prove her love for him, wanted her to suffer & hurt for him but he hadn't realized she already did. Every time one of her friends tried to tear him down, she'd argue them & showed all his wonderful attributes. Every time he called she'd answer regardless of her minutes and every time he spoke of his girlfriend, she'd say she's happy for them no matter how much it'd hurt her inside.

He just didn't see that he held a place in her heart, but he refused to let her in his, maybe it was his past or their situation but she was only considered another ho to him. Just a girl to spread her legs so he could fuck her & for a minute (just a minute) she almost considered it, the thought of him giving her pleasure & attention; it excited her to no end.

But he just pushed her too hard, made her stretch too far, demanded too much. He slowly ate away at the barrier she put herself in, but not no more. He was too mean, too cold, too emotionless, played too many games. She felt he could have been the one but he wasn't. For he couldn't see all she was, no he could only see what he wanted….what's in between her legs.

She couldn't survive him anymore, he made her so cold, she only wanted to make him happy, but she was tired of sacrificing herself for others because her happiness needed to come first. She had her friends and all her besties, it wasn't like she was lonely or anything. She was just hoping for a guy to be there, someone to fill the void in her heart. But this guy, the laziest dumbest nigga ever, he just couldn't be what she needed a guy to be.

And even though it nearly killed her to separate herself from him, because she still cared deeply about him. She still held so many feelings for him, and all of them only caused her more pain. She still loved him, she still adored him, she still craved his touch and longed to hear his voice at night. But she'd push those feelings away to make sure she doesn't get trapped again.

She's tried to let go of him so many times. She's tried to let go of those feelings inside

But before it was so hard, she's addicted to him like people are addicted to crack.

She was a dumb little bitch sprung over a dumb fat ass nigga. She reflected on everything he said & she realized. He only wanted her to do certain things.

Chapter 3

Obviously Kagome shouldn't feel bad; of course it's not her fault. Obviously Inuyasha was in the wrong for using her, playing with her emotions, breaking her heart. But despite all that he's done wrong to her, she still felt guilty. It was a promise that she made in a moment of weakness, to please him. She honestly wasn't into it.

She felt like somehow she hurt him, I know it makes no logical sense to anyone but her. She told him she'd come, she almost promised but she let him down, her own mind got her out of it. She was so scared, so uncomfortable, so awkward. She just couldn't handle it, she was so nervous. He'd be her 1st; she wasn't exactly ready to give it up. The whole situation around it wasn't right, he didn't love her, he didn't respect her, they weren't even together, nothing about it was right. Maybe that's why she was scared. Scared that doing what they planned to do would only hurt her more, not help her feel better.

But I digress…..

All her friends were appalled at the last statement he said. He said "Since you didn't come, don't talk to me" They all agreed and basically said "Well you see where his loyalties lie" & that's true. He told her he loved her but when she couldn't perform what he wanted then he got angry. Maybe it was her fault, she did agree & then changed her mind at the last minute, but then again he always does bullshit like that when she doesn't basically kiss his ass & bend to his every will then he no longer wants to talk to her. One friend said "It's better if he stopped calling you" and she thought about it. Her bestie was right. If he was to stop calling, to stop instant messaging, to stop playing those little games that irked the hell out of her. She'd be able to move on quicker, get over him easier. It'd make life so much better.

So as she slowly starts a long trek down the road of moving on & letting go, she'll always look back to see everything she experienced, even though she's letting him go, she'll never forget what they shared, the feelings she had for him. She knew it wouldn't be easy, to let go of someone you love so much. But she had to try; everyone around her agreed he wasn't good enough for someone like her. She had everything going for her and he had nothing. He couldn't even offer her a solid life because of the things he did. She could never be with someone like that, he wasn't boyfriend material.

But that didn't change how much she loved him, she didn't care what other people thought about him, she only cared about how much she wanted to be with him. Not for reasons that people thought, she didn't care about popularity or just bragging about having a boyfriend. She actually liked him, wanting to be his for the world to know. She didn't care about anything but him and she just wanted him to know that. She never spoke a word of how deep she really felt for him but she wasn't sure how he'd take it. And she didn't know how he felt about her either. Both of them never really spoke of their feelings for each other, and maybe that was part of the problem.

Chapter 4

Even thought she knew she was better off without him, she just couldn't seem to let him go, everything about him just called to her. She was addicted to him like a fat person is addicted to chocolate. She couldn't go a day without him; it caused her so much pain.

She thinks of him most of the time, waiting for his calls, logging onto AIM, everything for him. Yet he picks some other girl, not even half of wonderful as she. He explains nothing, no reason behind his madness, no comfort to soothe her ailing heart, just plain nothing. He rather have some bitch over her, that's the thing that bothers her the most. He really was slow, slow to pass her up, slow to play around with her, retarded to push her away & hurt her so badly.

But I digress….

Of course everyone assumes Kagome was jealous of his girlfriend that was not the case, she didn't like his girlfriend, and Kikyo isn't pretty, or smart, or special. She was nothing more than a whore that spreads her legs. She knew she was way better than his girlfriend. She merely envied how his girlfriend was the one he "loved", how he'd call her all the time, ignored other people's calls for her.

Oh how bad she envied that, she wanted to be the center of his attention, wanted to have those late night phone calls, wanted to be his #1. But then again, she didn't envy the girl. He was basically cheating on his girlfriend with her & what if she wasn't the only girl. His girlfriend was dumb to think he wouldn't. She couldn't help but pity the girl. She honestly loved him; she wasn't playing around like he thought his girlfriend was. But he couldn't let anyone in his world; no he preferred to be alone. And alone he would be, for she could no longer stay by his side. She always had to hide in the shadows, never allowed to be seen.

She grew tired; tired of hiding, tired of lying, tired of him. She bounced back & forth so many times she didn't know how she felt. Of course she knew she cared deeply about him but how far wasn't known. She would care for him if he was sick or help him if he was hurt but she wouldn't take a bullet for him or get in a fight to win him from his girlfriend. Though she let her morals go and pushed logical reasoning from her decisions, she still had pride & dignity, she'd never let him take that way.

He didn't make her feel special, he didn't make her feel loved, no he only made her feel wanted. But she knew all along he only wanted to use her for pleasure. But at least she was desired; someone wanted her for something more than a friend. It wasn't real, of course, for he never truly wanted her; nope she was just a fuck he could gotten from anyone. Maybe he did want her, he claimed to like different parts of her body, but she still wasn't sure, he makes nothing simple, he was nothing more than a loser and she was a fool for liking him.

Chapter 5

Well when Inuyasha finally did speak to Kagome, even though it was barely a sentence, she did a little flip inside because the thing she feared the most was that he was angry at her, that he wouldn't even speak to her anymore but that 5 second sentence washed away all the fears she had about him. She knew that it wasn't her fault but she wasn't inside his mind, she didn't know what he felt and she just couldn't bear to lose him.

She didn't want to lose him as a friend, though she was ready to let go of her feelings for him, maybe it was too soon. She was told academically that she was a fast learner but in other ways she was behind. This is one of those situations.

It's like she needed him to slap her in the face before she realized how wrong he is for her. She needed to face the ultimate betrayal, to hurt more than she ever had before to make her realize that he was all wrong for her. Of course that point everyone knew was coming soon. For he was going to push her further and further, trust will be tested, shit is going to hit the fan. Eventually she only hopes she'll be strong enough to take it. She was told she was a strong person emotionally; she was able to take more than the average person should but it still didn't stop her from feeling the pain.

When it boils down to it, she only has herself. None of her "so-called" friends would be the support she needed to catch her when she falls. She basically has to crutch herself, if she doesn't no one will. She never has depended on anyone to make her life the way it is now. No one has helped her get to the way she is today. Her strength, her personality, was built from heartache, from unconceivable pain & trauma.

But I digress….

He wasn't the cause of her pain, him as a person no. But the things he did the words he said; they were. She needed him; she needed him to call her, to talk to her. She needed someone to be there for her, but friends just aren't enough. She wanted someone she could call her own. Someone who would be there for her no matter what and someone who would love her and cherish her for eternity.

She was looking for him to be that someone but he just couldn't. He was just so emotionally challenge, so detached from the rest of the world. He experienced just so much pain, so much more pain then even she had faced. That explained why he never smiled, never cried, never laughed…he didn't feel anything. He couldn't feel love, he didn't even recognize the feeling…and if someone said they loved him, he couldn't even put his heart into it and say it back. He was nothing….an empty shell of a guy. He couldn't love anyone and that was a problem.

For she was very emotionally, half of everything she does is based off of her emotions. She was just so tired of his ways, she knew there was nothing he or she could do, it was neither of their faults but it still hurt her anyways.

Chapter 6

When Kagome finally got the nerve to finally ask him if Inuyasha was mad, he said no. Something else that calmed her nerves, she could tell he was sincere, for he didn't hesitate to say it and he looked her straight in the eye. This makes it even harder for her to complete step 1 because she so badly wanted to just call him, to just tell him she's so sorry so unbelievably needing to hear his voice. But she tried to stay strong, mostly for herself. She'd fall back into the same trap over & over again. For once, she wanted to just relax.

But I digress……

She deeply regretted not going, even though the situation around it was completely wrong, she still partly wished she would have gone ahead, fucked all her scared emotions & continued. But she wasn't that brave, she wasn't that strong, so all she could do was regret. As simple as that. She didn't want to stay with her girls that morning; for once she could have enjoyed him all by herself, without the thousand of followers stealing time she could have to enjoy him.

She knew she messed up big time, and when she left that message on his voicemail she knew she had lost the battle. She wasn't going to be able to let him go that simply, for if she did, she may not ever be able to breathe again. He knew just way too much about her; she let him too deep into her head. She knew he was too deep in her heart for him to get out either; she couldn't let him go like that. A snap of her fingers and he's out of her heart for good, she wished! If it was that easy, she would have done it weeks ago. She just couldn't win, for she knew either way. She'd lose….

If she left him alone….she'd ache for him. Even if another guy, a guy who was truly sweet and deserving of her, she'd pass him by knowing she still truly loved him. She wouldn't use another guy like he did to her. Besides, she'd basically be stuck on him for like forever and not move on to any other guy, that'd defeat the purpose of moving on.

But if she stayed by his side, she'd basically dig a deeper and deeper hole, she'd only get more and more emotionally attached, she really wouldn't be able to breathe, she'd be stuck with him and not able to get away, she'd always be his and he'd be able to play with her heart over and over again regardless of how she tried to protect herself. That would her make look stupid and she didn't want that.

As she reflected on it, she wasn't going to let go. Though all her friends advised her too, and she even came up with a plan to do it, she wasn't able to. To completely cut him from her life, just too much for even her to fathom. She didn't want to let him go, to cut him out, to say goodbye, nothing like that. She rather stay stuck by his side, though all the drama & heartache because she realized it made her stronger. Even though she'd probably make the same mistake again in the future, at least it revived her for now. For every time she heard his voice, she felt like life was blown into her.

Chapter 7

Kagome loved Inuyasha's phone calls, because everything about them was so perfect. Especially the long ones, ones that continued for hours & hours at a time. He'd play his latest songs in the background, he'd sing some slow romantic song over the phone, he'd make her laugh or they'd just talk. The few times they actually did have a serious conversation, like once in a blue moon, it never lasted long. Both of them were real happy people, sad shit like drama and feelings, they never did enjoy talking about that.

What made her love his calls the most was how he spent all his attention on her. Unlike a conversation at school or on instant message, she knew he was only focusing on her. He'd give her 1 on 1 attention and that made her feel good. But like instant message, he could be doing other things and at school there are other people. She just wanted him to herself……

But not in that way, she didn't want anything sexual from him, not at all. She only wanted him to focus on her, and just for them to bond. Which is hard to do over the phone, because even though his full attention was on her, they can't do anything more than talk. In person, they can play a game or playfully hit each other. It made it better, she wanted to just watch a movie with him or play video games. He was the one who was soo busy; she guessed she just wasn't important enough.

Not even his girlfriend was which was so strange even to her. He refused to hang out with her after school; sometimes he wouldn't even return her phone call. It was the strangest thing….partly cuz he claimed to love her and want her more than anything and partly cuz he'd do it sometimes but not others. It made it seem like he did things only when he wanted to….

Which makes him a lazy bastard, a relationship (even though the one he has with his girlfriend can hardly be called on) is suppose to be about love, communication and compromise. He wasn't doing any of those, he never talked to her about what bothers him, he never was willing to compromise to make them both happy and he couldn't have truly loved her because he never showed it.

But I digress….

She was not in the mind of him and maybe he didn't know how to show someone he cared, for half the stuff he did to her wasn't really sweet or romantic, but in a way it could have been caring. He did call her (sometimes) when he promised….and she knew he never meant to hurt her intentionally. Because every time she'd say "You know how much you hurt me, do you know how that broke my heart" he'd always apologize. No matter on the phone, on AIM, or at school. He wasn't trying to hurt her, no even though he played around too much and was cold, he wasn't completely heartless. That'd be a shame

Chapter 8

The weekends were always the hardest for her, maybe because she couldn't see him or any of her friends for 64 hours. OF course over the phone was always an option but then again…..it wasn't the same. True she spent most of her day chatting away with him and her friends on the phone but the joke is always 10 times funnier in person than it is over the phone, just like the hurt is 10 times worst in person than over the phone.

AT least when someone tells a joke in person, you can see the way they twist their face and use their hands which makes it funnier, over the phone you only can hear the tone in their voice. Same with pain, when she asks him if he truly cares about her, it hurts more in person because he can see the tears slowly streaming down her face, he can see her body slump over with pain. Over the phone, at least you can hang up, at least you don't have to see him….he can say it to you just as coldly in person as he can over the phone but it breaks your heart 10 times more in person….maybe because you can see his eyes and the dullness in them.

People always say that your eyes are the window to your soul but she can't see his. His soul must not exist cuz she looked in his eyes like all the time and it never reflects anything. When she looked into the eyes of her bestie, she saw all the fierceness and self-doubt that she has. But when she looked into her lover's, his had nothing. Maybe because he learned to hide his pain, learned to hide what hurt him so badly inside so he didn't have deal with it.

But I digress…..

She had so much she planned to say but tell me why she basically forgot every word. Maybe she isn't bold enough to say it, because to say it means she'd have to open up, basically tell him her every inner emotion, confess that the shit she claims doesn't bother her actually hurts more than she's ever admit. Maybe she won't say it because that means they'll both have to make a decision, one that may or may not be one they can handle. Because if she was to ask him what she's longed to ask him in the first place….she's longed to ask him to choose. Basically to pick between herself and his girlfriend, she knew what the answer would probably be.

Even though he said he had stronger feelings for her, that he wanted her more than his girlfriend. But he gave no explanation why he chose her, even after they broke up twice in a week; he told everyone his girlfriend was getting on his nerves. So after all that he still asks her back out. Why?

She made her feelings known to him, he knew how much she loved him, how much she wanted to be with him. She'd fuck the world and everyone who got in her way just to be with him. He came up with some bullshit excuse, saying people who talk mess about them being together, said he'd have to fight someone for talking shit. But she didn't mind, she'd do the same for their relationship too.

Chapter 9

Inuyasha knew how much he meant to her, he knew basically what he was doing. And he did it anyways, took no regard to the pain and suffering she had to go through. In fact, he wanted to test her. Wanted to see how far she'd go to get to him. It's like in the cartoons, when you see a horse and its rider. The horse is running, chasing a carrot held on a string. And the rider is dangling it in front of the horse, just close enough for it to almost reach and then it pulls away.

That's basically what Inuyasha was doing to her. He would offer himself in front of her and just before she could reach him, he'd pull away. It left her in a game of "try to get me" but she could never win. Because she was never fast enough to get him before he pulled away. She was tired….a horse can only go so long before it runs out of energy.

This is the point she had reached with him, for once she just couldn't run anymore, couldn't chase him anymore, and couldn't play this little game with him anymore. She was just tired…

But I digress….

She wondered….what did she really know about him? Nothing, she knew his age, his name, how popular he was, everything up to date with him & his girlfriend, that he had 2 brothers and other little facts but she didn't really know anything…..anything about his true personality. Only the façade he showed at school, that rough gangster attitude wasn't the real him. Obviously it was a show he put on because he had to be tough, she understood that, she even respected that and at school, she went along with his gangster image only because she knew that image basically equaled his "man" status. But she didn't fear him, she didn't coward under him, she wasn't afraid to challenge him. No because that's not who she was…

She may be a coward in other ways, afraid to say how she really felt, afraid to try new things but she wasn't afraid to challenge someone. Hell, she knew he could potentially hurt her; he could beat the shit out of her and get away with it. No one would stand up against him, not with the position and power he had. But she wasn't afraid, he wasn't anything scary.

He may be tall, big, muscular, and have people who got his back in any situation, but he would never use that power against her. As harsh and cold as he is, he isn't completely heartless, he was a softie and he wouldn't inflict such pain on her as that would be if he did use his power and position against her. No…he didn't love her, but he did care!

Chapter 10

Well she knew he did care about her, even though he didn't always show it, he was serious about her. He may not be as affectionate and loving as she wanted him to be but he cared more than other any guy. Sure, she saw a lot of cuties during the day and she flirted a lot. But her heart still belong to him, more than anyone else.

She didn't always show she cared either, she knew she didn't act like the perfect little girlfriend. She could be rather harsh and cold towards him too. She was told that she was too blunt, her words were sharper than a knife. She wasn't sugary sweet either, she knew she wasn't.

She always apologize when he brought it up, she tried her hardest to stop her ways but old habits die hard. So she guess she is somewhat equal to him. They both have problems letting people in. For if she was to let him in, really in to all the stuff she thought…he'd probably run away scared. For being a Pisces like she is, she is very emotional, very eccentric, very out there. She felt the most vulnerable when she opened up, because in the end people always stabbed her in the back.

But then again, she always ended up broken when she was alone. Because she needed someone there, someone to comfort her, to make all her pain go away. So no matter what way she turned (either the way of solitude or the way of trust) she ended up hurt. She wanted to trust him and part of her did, she told him so much shit. She did trust him, she knew in her heart she did. Though he gave her no reason to, she did anyways.

But I digress….

He certainly did know how to make her feel guilty….the few times she was actually in the wrong….the few times she did do something mean and harsh to him….he definitely made it clear that she hurt him. Maybe it was her attitude or something mean she said to him but he made her feel so fuckin guilty. She felt like she committed murder, and in a sense she did. Because that one little act of cruelty probably pushed them back even further than they already were.

Kagome didn't mean to hurt him….he wasn't as good with expressing his emotion as she was….he couldn't just tell her he was hurt. He just hung up and wouldn't say a word. Later on if she was to ask, he probably wouldn't say anything was wrong, for that would be admitting weakness and that's something he just wouldn't do. He was too proud, too strong, too "manly" for that. She understood, for she also saw weakness as something bad….not for the same reasons he did. No she wasn't too strong or too "manly" she wasn't worried about her image or anything like that….No, she had her own reasons for keeping her feelings bottled up.

Chapter 11

Kagome was proud, not nearly as proud as he. Inuyasha had an image, a façade to keep up. No, she didn't. She could have cry, complain, whine & bitch as much as she wanted to. But he couldn't, that's what the problem was. She hated those little whores who break down in the middle of a little crisis, who couldn't handle a little drama in their life without turning to the nearest person and crying.

Yeah she's cried before….she does it more often then most people think. But never in public, she rather bite her lip to the point where it bleeds then to cry out in public. Even in front of her friends, yes those are the people she trusts more than anyone else. Yes she knows they'd never judge her or tell others that she cried. But she didn't want to show that sign of weakness, no she wasn't a strong person. But to openly weep in front of others, she'd only done it twice. Once in 5th grade and once in 9th, that's it. Each time her heart was in so much despair, she needed someone to lean on and at the time her closest buddies did just that….they rubbed her back and whispered the nicest stuff in her ear to make her feel better and that was it. They never talked of it again, almost like it never happened.

She didn't cry in public because crying (sadness) is such a raw emotion; yes in the privacy of her room she'd cry as often and as long as she wanted. But that was because no one was there, no one was there to watch every layer of herself peel away, no one was there to watch how far deep she goes down….no, she didn't want anyone to see. Crying is a complete sign of weakness, your eyes get all puffy, your face gets smudged with tears, your nose gets clogged up, your voice shaky. Nothing good comes from crying, no it's just you getting all that built up emotion out.

She was never one to cry…especially not over a guy. She prided herself on not being one of those pitiful bitches that cried every time a guy broke up with them or rejected them. Yeah she's been through all that shit before and of course it hurt like a motherfucker. She didn't cry.

Maybe that was her problem…she wasn't needy enough for him. She wasn't like his girlfriend, she didn't need him for all her problems, she wasn't desperate enough, wasn't dependent enough, she wasn't bubbly enough. Something his girlfriend had that she didn't. IT wasn't her beauty or her brains; because his girlfriend honestly had neither…..but something she did to him or for him that made him want her….. She honestly couldn't figure it out.

So she tried to spend her time focusing on other guys….why? Because she couldn't wait on this one, he was too painful. Everything about him was toxic. He ran through her blood like poison, infecting all of her body. Made her die inside a little bit more each time they spoke. He definitely wasn't good for her.

Chapter 12

Inuyasha basically broke her heart, lied to her, used her, and she ran back to him, time after time. She answered his calls, listened to all the voicemails he left, she was drawn to him. She just couldn't escape him, she was like a moth attracted to the light. Why couldn't she just get off of him? Get past him? All her friends told her she was setting herself up for heartbreak and she was just too sweet, too nice, too forgiving. She didn't want to lose the feeling he gave her. She wanted someone there to fill the gap in her heart where no one was. But if she had to pick between him and another guy, she would pick him no matter how perfect the other guy was.

She was so tired of hurting, so tired of getting hurt but she was just begging for him to hurt her. She kept going back to him like a fool, like a stupid little bitch who goes back time after time to get hurt. She was just waiting for him to slap her in the face and say "I don't want you bitch" but I digress…

She did love him, she may have played like she didn't, might have denied it in front of other people in a heartbeat but that was only to protect her secret. No one, not even he, knew how much she cared about him, how badly she desired him. At first it was purely lust, she just wanted the attention, the pleasure from him. But then she fell…head over heels in love with him. Sex wasn't even part of it anymore; she just wanted every part of him. She just wanted him to hold her in his arms, to tell her how much he loved her, and to wake up to him every morning. She wanted him more than anything in the world. Of course she knew that everything she wanted was nothing more than a dream but she could dream, can't she?

He could be the guy she truly wanted. He had all the potential in the world, she didn't want him to change his ways, and she would never ask anyone to do that for her. She fell in love with him the way he was, she just wanted a little bit more….she needed to hear him tell her he loved her, she wanted more late night phone calls, was she being greedy? But she loved him, more than life itself, more than love itself, more than she's ever loved any other guy and it hurt like a bitch to suffer like she did. She was so close to him, yet so far away.

Ironic wasn't it, that she was in so much pain when he wasn't next to her, when she couldn't hear his voice, when she didn't see him at school, but he'd do something so mean to her that it'd hurt too badly to be around him. She couldn't win either way, she can't live with him, can't live without him. She was so confused. She knew he was wrong for her, she caught him in so many lies; she knew how he was and how he treated her at school. She knew she should have him alone by now but she couldn't. She couldn't cut the times that held them both together, either way she wouldn't let him go.

She wouldn't let him go because he made her feel so good, he made her smile when she didn't want to, he knew when she was lying; he was so in tune with her. He was so far deep inside her head; she just couldn't get rid of him. That's just how much she loved him!

Chapter 13

Inuyasha did stupid shit all the time, yeah she loved him and even though he was mean, harsh and moody, nothing he did could ever really change that. She never even really got mad at him, except once….when he first told her (over the phone) that he was going out with who is now, his current girlfriend. The fact that he had a girlfriend wasn't the problem….no she didn't really care about that part….it's the fact that he had been going out with his girlfriend for like 4 days and he waited until that day to tell her.

He had spoken to her everyday on the phone for like 3 hours but waited for no reason other than just to wait and keep her in the dark. She was angry….the angriest she ever had been at anyone. Well even that part isn't true. She's been mad before….but that was at someone else and for a completely different reason. She was so fuckin angry at him….she shed tears, but not tears of sorrow. She was not sad, she was pissed.

Pissed that he lied to her….went so long without telling her he had a girlfriend. He openly flirted with her and said "I love you" knowing he was saying the same thing to his girlfriend when he spoke to her…That's what made her so angry at him. This is the same case as now….she teased him a little bit on AIM and he said "I'm not gonna talk….bye"

That got her pissed, more than anything else. Yes she was sad (she did love to talk to him on the phone) and yes she was confused (because that wasn't a good enough reason to say he wasn't going to talk to her) but she was pissed. Because he played these games with her…. As if her emotions were a toy….he had her on a never-ending roller coaster all the time.

He'd make go through loops to get to him; he was so unbelievably selfish and evil. He treated her as if she was nothing more than another bitch to him; if she was so replaceable then she wanted to be replace. Let some other girl go through the heartache he was torturing her with. These are the moments when he made her feel so low…..and she couldn't even vent this to him on the phone…his phone was always off….

But I digress…

Kagome still loved him…believe that even though she got pissed, she never stopped. For her love for him was unconditional, he could not break that. Just as he could not break her spirit, yes he may have been able to make her hit her lowest point but he couldn't make her give up all hope for he didn't have that much control over her.

And she still loved him….even though he had another girl in line after he broke up with his girlfriend. He never did see her….she was never important to him. He confessed to pretending to love her, pretending to care, pretending she was his #1, she still loved him and she knows the love will always be there.

Chapter 14

Kagome never meant it, every time she told him she didn't love him…every time she tricked herself to thinking she was moving past him. It wasn't true! She knew if he was to ever leave her, she'd probably lose a part of herself…he was the person she leaned on when she was weak…someone she talked on the phone all night. He was that one special person…he caused her to lose sleep. He was the one thing in her life she knew she couldn't replace. None of her friends, not even her bestie, could take his place.

She never wanted to feel the pain of him leaving her, not for reals. Yeah he'd broken her heart, made her feel worthless and weak but at least he's always there to pick up the pieces of her and put them back together. He made her feel like a different person, she didn't truly know herself anymore. He didn't change her; he made the true her come out. He brought out the violent fits where she throws stuff around the room and the joyful squeals of laughter she never thought she had.

The one time she had actually thought he was really out of her life was that day….the one day she promised to go see him and she didn't. She thought she had serious fucked up and that…brought her world crashing down. She felt so much pain….she couldn't concentrate, couldn't think straight, couldn't stop the pain in her chest, she could barely breathe. She knew they were meant to be, even if no one else saw that.

The sound of his voice, him singing sweet love songs to her, it killed her. It's like the songs he sang was describing her life, how she felt about him, her thoughts. All she needed was that…1 song from him could make her melt. His songs took away all her pain, it completed her. She knew music was powerful….but not that much.

Yeah she knew he wouldn't stay with her, eventually she'd be left alone and she'd probably just die….she'd fade away like an unwatered flower. He was everything to her, everything she needed. She may not ever say it but that's what she felt….he was so special to her….even though she knew deep in her heart he couldn't return that…she just wanted to tell him.

She wanted him to know, that no one could love him as much as she did….she just wanted him to know that she would always cherish him, he'd always be in her heart and he'd always be a part of her life for as long as they both lived. But she could never say those words out loud to him…she could tell all her friends that.

But I digress…

She wasn't ready to tell him exactly how she felt. He probably wouldn't take it right and it'd only complicate the situation completely, that's not what she wanted. She only wanted to tell him that she loved him and she wasn't afraid. Afraid of him hurting her, afraid of trusting him, she wasn't anymore. She had opened herself up completely and she was all his. For now & forever.

Chapter 15

Well Kagome didn't fear many things. It's not like she was scared of stupid stuff. She wasn't afraid of spiders or snakes, but the things she was scared of most. Being hurt by a guy and letting him get too close.

Of course that is natural fear; no one wants to get hurt but the fear of letting someone too close. That part wasn't natural. She tended to be overly emotional, which scared about half of her ex-boyfriends away. She didn't want to scare this one away…no she loved him and if she was to lose him because of her emotions then she'd hate herself for ever.

But then again…she didn't really have the courage to talk to him. To tell him how much she actually loved him….nah that'd be too much. She could tell everyone else, friends she hasn't even spoken to in like a hella long time but to him…she couldn't. She was afraid of being rejected; she just couldn't take that pain. She rather he play tetherball with her heart that reject her for saying how she really felt.

She finally did reach him, and she was about to tell him how she really felt but he wasn't alone, he had her on speaker and all his friends were listening in, she didn't have the balls to say it, or to say anything at all. Nah she was scared….scared of what they'd say after she said it.

A childish fear…to worry about what other people would think but she didn't want to be teased…she was already uncomfortable just telling him and he really did love her. But with his friends in the background…they wouldn't accept any mushy answer he might wanna give her back.

So of course she lost all the courage she had raised. Her friends built her up, gave her the confidence booster she needed to tell him, she prepared the speech she was going to say and then…he killed all their hard work by being a typical guy. When he's around his "Homies" he acts like he's all hard and manly and it irks her because she didn't fall in love with that side of him.

She fell in love with the loving sweet sensitive side. The side she just hardly got to see, and when she did see it, it warmed her heart and made her smile.

But I digress….

She still loved him, she still cared about him. Even when he acted like an egoistical jerk, or a cold heartless bastard, he was still hers. He was her man; he was hers no matter what. She had a grip on him that was made of steel; she'd never let him go! And in all actually, she belonged to him too. They were like Bonnie & Clyde, he was hers and she was his till the end of time.

Chapter 16

After Kagome finally told him how she felt…which came with much problems and confusion you must believe….she had wanted to tell him for the longest….but she couldn't. She couldn't because she was afraid. Afraid of just 2 things: for one, she was afraid he wouldn't understand her and secondly, she was afraid he wouldn't feel the same way.

Unfortunately, both of her fears were confirmed by him. No he wasn't mean about them, no he didn't flat out say that she was dumb for feeling the way she did but in a way, he basically showed her that her fears (which she thought were nothing more than childish) were real.

When she told him that she loved him and he left her breathless, he understood that part. He wasn't dumb (not in the slightest) and she spelt it out clearly. But then again he didn't, he didn't really get what she was saying. Because in the very next sentence, he said she was "confusing" but he didn't say what she needed him to say….he didn't say that he felt the same way. In that instant, he basically brought her world crashing down on her head. But she stayed strong…though the conversation was basically at a loss and it was definitely awkward after that.

He kept the conversation alive and before either of them knew it, he had turned their sad, awkward pauses into lively joyful laughter and teasing. He did smooth over some of her other fears. When she confronted him about only wanting to fuck her & leave, he said he didn't. Which at first she didn't believe, but she did! Not just because he said it (Because she knew half the stuff he said was B.S) but because he told her….he loved talking to her, he loved being around her, he loved flirting with her and those were the moments he basically lived for.

He always managed to do that to her, he could quickly turn around a dull conversation to a good one, make her go from sad to glad in a minute. He was so funny; his personality was just so attractive. He shown he was somewhat reliable, somewhat honest, somewhat caring. And that was all she needed…..

But I digress…

She still wasn't completely happy, she never was. After all these incredibly serious talks (it only happens once in a blue moon) she was always left with more questions….questions she'd dwell on from now till the next time she'd get the nerve to talk to him about anything serious.

She asked him "How long will it last?" and he misunderstood….he thought she meant between him and his girlfriend, their relationship was on the rocks and he knew she hated his girlfriend with a passion. But no, that's not what she meant at all…she meant how long would they last. She knew no relationship (no matter how great you both think it's going) was going to last forever. And they were no exception to the rule!

Chapter 17

Kagome wanted so badly to have him, to hold him, to kiss him. But she was just too shy, she could never act on those feelings.....not no more. She was going to let him go.....She had said that shit before so many times and of course she knew she not gonna be able to let him go that easily. She was going to be try every day to replace him with someone better, smarter, nicer, sexier....that's what she was going to do.

She told 8 of her besties her situation with him. 4 of her besties, including his little sister thought she should get rid of him. But 4 of her besties thought she should give him more time. To prove that he wanted her, to prove that he loved her, to prove that he deserves her, and she agree with both sides.

She did need to get rid of him; He's no good for her, he doesn't love her, he doesn't respect her, she deserved better. But then she did want to give him more time, it's only been a month! She hadn't put her whole heart into it either, She hadn't done all she could to make their relationship work, she hadn't been the best towards him either.

So she was going to do a little bit of both, she was willing to give him 1 more month. That's it! Just one more month, and in that month she'd tally everything up. IF he caused her more days of pain than joy, then she'd let him go. But if he caused her more days of joy than pain, she'd hold onto him longer. That is until either she & him officially go out or they both decide it's better to stay just friends.

But I digress….

She didn't know how she felt about him anymore….now he was starting to annoy her more than make her happy. It use to be when she sat next to him, stood next to him, talked to him she felt a rush. Now she feels nothing….not a rush, not joy, just nothing….

He actually didn't make her feel all nervous and bubbly like he use to do. She use to get so tongue tied but now she didn't. She didn't feel anything around him…which was fine to her. Better to feel nothing than to feel hurt. She use to feel nothing around him, then she fell in love with him, then she was hurt by him so badly, and now she didn't feel anything.

She was back where she started. She was just his friend…yes she was still going to talk to him on the phone (but now she didn't have the need to talk to him for long hours) and yes she was going to still flirt with him (but only less because she has other guys to flirt with). He was no longer going to be the center of her attention, the only guy in her world.

Yes she may have promised she'd give him 1 more month, but now screw that! He had till the 1st of January and that was it. No more second chances, no more extensions, no more time. He's had plenty of time. He's had a whole month & a half, and by the way he was talking; didn't seem like he was in a hurry. Nope, he was going to take his sweet time in picking her, so she was basically saying "fuck it" and moving on.

Chapter 18

Kagome was through with him, he had caused her so much pain, and so much heartache and she couldn't put up with it anymore. Small things that use to only happen once in awhile became big things that happened pretty much everyday all the time. Light teasing became hourly taunts, hiding her stuff for a few minutes became stealing her stuff for the whole period. Shit was just becoming too much for her.

She went out of her way to make him happy, to please him, to make him feel better. She put 100% effort into all she did for him but he never put anything in for her, only when he felt like it; when it was convenient for him. She wouldn't care if he did anything for her now, it's too late; She was just too tired.

Too tired of having to be nice to him so he'd stay on the phone, too tired of pretending not to hear him talk shit about her (to her face & behind her back). She was just so tired of everything; tired of him, tired of all the games he loved to play, she was tired of hurting for him, tired of waiting for him, tired of him doing what he always does.

She could never win. She could never get the one thing she wanted, all she truly wanted was him. She could never get the 2 things she needed, love & happiness. She'd sacrifice everything she had to give for everyone else but no one did shit for her. She'd stay on the phone past curfew because a friend needed to talk, she'd ignore everyone else's calls because he finally called, she'd do someone's homework so they could have fun.

Well not any longer, not no more. She would stop going out of her way to please anyone. Why should she? To sacrifice her time, effort & energy and all she gets is a fuckin "Thanks". She wanted more….she gave up her happiness, her free time, her heart for people who didn't deserve it. Not no more, she wouldn't, NEVER AGAIN.

But I digress…

He use to have her so high, he use to make her so happy, he use to make her laugh when she didn't wanted to and cry so easily. Now he couldn't….he kilt the feeling inside. Now all he made her feel was disgusted…unhappiness. No he could no longer complete her, seems like a trend. Every guy she likes…always hurts her in the end. She couldn't be saved, she was like the titanic; She was sinking & fast.

She wasn't alone in her "man-strike", nah one of her besties had her back. She, too, had her heart crushed by a guy. They both were afraid to love…for they'd had their hearts broken so many times; they thought they had finally met the right guy. At first, he was sweet, charming and so nice. Then their true personality broke through. For both of them their story was the same.

_Once upon a time, she had a loving, caring boyfriend. One that took her by the heart and led her by the hand and now she's all alone with only her friends to hold her tight, because her boyfriend was not in sight. Now he left her all alone to stand. _

Chapter 19

Kagome couldn't make up her mind about him. 1 minute she was mad at him and the next she liked him. One minute she couldn't think of anyone but him and the next she didn't want to see talk to him. Most of her friends were sick of hearing her bounce back & front every 5 minutes on how she felt about him and she was sick of her feelings for him constantly changing.

She was starting to get sick of him but then she still couldn't let him go. He could still make her laugh when she didn't want to, he still made her feel guilty even when she didn't do anything wrong, he still made her heart beat faster every time he called, and she couldn't do anything to let go of those feelings.

But then she was still angry at him, he always treated her wrong, he always teased her, always picked on her, always stole her stuff, always was mean to her. She was so tired; she always forgave him for being awful to her. But the 1 time she acted like a major bitch towards him, he acted like a Pmsing little girl for most of the day.

Yes he eventually forgave her & yes they ended up talking on the phone late into the night, but she had to call him first. He was no longer making an effort so neither should she. She was tired of being hurt, tired of him being such a jerk. She really did like him, really did want those late night phone calls and dirty text messages.

But she was not going to be controlled by her emotions any longer…she knew that only led her to heartache. She chose to go down the road less traveled; she wasn't going to be like most girls (who only wanted to find "the one"). She wanted to find someone loyal and sweet, someone she could tolerate and have fun with but not someone she loved.

She didn't want to love anymore…it only cost herself more pain & misery. No she wanted to be happy, truly happy. That's something she couldn't achieve, love was no longer something on the top of her to-do list. Love was no longer the thing she wanted most from a guy…no she wanted something a little bit more.

She wanted respect, loyalty, honesty and trust. Those things she usually pushed aside for love, but not today. No she wanted those things first and if she learned to love the guy she was with…that would be an added bonus for her. She saw how love made people act. Girls turned to giggling fools around those guys and guys turned to mushy romantics for those girls.

Both sides ended up somewhat burned in the end, when a relationship stopped. No she didn't want that, she didn't want to be hurt…not by him or any other guy. But if she didn't feel, if she didn't let her emotions control her, she could win! She'd be able to get all the good qualities she wanted in a guy (trust, honesty, loyalty, and respect) without having to get hurt or lose a piece of herself.

Her idea of giving up love was the best one she had had in awhile!

Chapter 20

Kagome no longer cared about love, she no longer thought about guys or relationships or dates or kissing or anything related to a guy. Nope, she was a pimp now! She only cared about 1 thing, and that was her happiness. Before, she use to want a guy who could make her happy, love her and treat her like a princess. But she realized that would never come to pass, she would never find a guy who did all that for her.

Now she just had these 3 guys. 1 was her "main squeeze, another was her "side dish" and the last was her "lover/fling". She let all feelings for them go, because being ruled by emotions and love was what ruined her in the past. Now she only wanted to see her bright future for the New Year, and none of that included love or romance. Nope, she wanted to be surrounded by guys and she wanted them to fulfill all her needs and desires, but she didn't want to love them. Didn't want to be attached, to be stuck on any 1 guy. Nope she wanted to be free to move, free to roam, free to just breathe; something she couldn't do with her heart beating only for 1 guy.

Her "main squeeze" was perfect; he was nice, sweet, charming, understanding, romantic and excellent. He treated her with all the respect she deserved and he was someone she could show to all her friends and brag. He was a senior, a football player, a poet, very well liked & known. Though her heart stopped beating for him a long time ago, she could still tolerate being around him, still laughed and smiled like she use to do when she actually liked him.

Her "side dish" was a little bit of a challenge; He was shy, quiet, and kinda geeky. He didn't talk nearly as much as she did; he didn't have as many friends or go to as many places as she did. He was driven and focused; he didn't let the temptations of partying or ditching like many other seniors his age tear him from his dream of joining the marines. He was good for light flirting and just having a normal conversation with because he could keep up with both.

And her "lover/fling" he was the best at everything else. He could make her horny just by talking for a few minutes. She loved how he talked dirty and was so flirtatious with her. He wasn't reliable though, no he was too out there. He had a girlfriend and other girls he enjoyed flirting with so she wasn't his 1st priority or his "main squeeze". They were basically friends with some benefits, and that was ok with her.

All of her guys, whether they were "main squeeze" or "side dish" or "lover/fling" they were perfect. She could talk to them when she felt like it, and they could suit whatever need or desire she was having at the time. No she didn't love any of them, no she didn't like them, no they didn't hold a piece of their heart like they use to, but at least they still had her and at least she gave them her time!

Chapter 21

Kagome's heart is bleeding in Inuyasha's hand; he doesn't see how much she loved him. He doesn't understand how much she cared about him. He can't open his eyes to see how much she really does want to be with him. He is so fuckin stupid! She was so in love with him, so attached to him, so obsessed with him and he couldn't open his eyes for just 5 seconds to see how much he really meant to her.

Everything in their relationship was 1 sided. She had to make all the effort, do all the favors, pretty much everything fell on her head to take care of but when she needed a little bit back from him, he wouldn't do shit for her. He never called back when he promised, never did a thing he said he would. Personally, she was exhausted.

She had to help when he wanted to break up with his girlfriend, she had to help with his homework so his grades wouldn't slip, she had to wait for him to talk to people on his other line, she had to tolerate his mean teasing at school, she had to put up with him always talking about his girlfriend.

She did more than her share of compromising and sacrificing so their relationship would work but he didn't do shit. He did stuff only when it was easy for him and personally she was had it up to her ears with it. She was sick of being his "appetizer", sick of being used just for personal gain and she was sick of always doing shit for him.

He was hers, or he should have been. He should have been the one she called "main squeeze". She should have been his, she should have been his girlfriend. The one he says he "loves" to everyone. She should have been the one he protected and cherished. But no, she was basically no one. She was nothing to him and he should have been nothing to her.

But she couldn't help it. No one can help who they love, no one can stop the pain that flows freely through her chest every time he doesn't call back. No one can stop the heartache she feels every time she hears him say he loves his girlfriend. No one but her, if she could just let him go and learn to not love anymore; she'd be perfect.

But I digress…

He still held a place in her heart, he still had a piece of it. Damn he basically had half of the whole thing, he was the center of her universe, and he took up most of her thoughts. He gave her such a rush. Nope she couldn't stop the way she felt. She didn't want to….he made her happy, when she finally did talk to him; it was like magic. She'd do anything to have give her his full attention. That's all she wanted, all she wanted was for him to notice her like she noticed him.

He was her lover, he was her world. He was the one she dreamt of at night and thought of when she woke up. She wanted him to be her "main squeeze", her everything. He was the one that held her heart, even as it bleeds.

Chapter 22

Kagome hated being alone, she hated being by herself. She felt trapped; she was glued to her phone and computer. She always waited for him; she was tired of being stuck. She was tired of being sad, but she couldn't let him go. No matter how much sadness he caused her.

She always forgave him and this time was no different. She had gotten so use to this crazy schedule it no longer affected her. She couldn't escape him even if she wanted to. She couldn't get rid of this hurt she felt until she let him go. She rather forgive him than be without him because she would just die.

She realized she would always be last in his eyes; she would always be left alone to pick the pieces of herself. She couldn't keep herself together, she couldn't figure out what was wrong with her…until she realized; it was him. He was the reason she cried late at night or the reason she felt so detached from any other guy. He was the reason behind her misery and pain.

Everything revolved around him! And that was the problem, the main reason why she hurt so badly and why she couldn't let him go. She wasn't going to let him hold her back or down, she was going to live her life the way she needed to and if he wasn't it in, well that's too bad.

But I digress…

They could have been the next Bonnie & Clyde. They were both smart, both a force to be messed with, both of them could cuss someone out in a second, they were perfect together. But he never saw that, nope he didn't care. He rather have his skanky girlfriend than her. Her bestie asked him who he had loved and he said his girlfriend. Which he had told her he wanted to get rid of for the longest. So did he lie to her or did he lie to her bestie?

She won't know either way, because he never answers his fuckin phone like he's suppose to. Or if his phone is on, he never picks it up! But that's his choice, she could have been his everything but he refused her and now she's done. Done with him, done with his bullshit; his broken promises, his lies.

She was beyond angry at him. She wasn't just frustrated or a little bit irritated. Nah she was fuckin pissed off. Her whole world revolved around him but yet he still didn't see it, he never remembered the simple shit. He couldn't be everything and she knew that but he didn't have to act like he was too good for her either.

Chapter 23

When he finally broke up his girlfriend, she was the most happy. Happier than he was, happier than his girlfriend (now ex) and happier than all her friends that she told about it. Of course she was the next one to get the girlfriend title. You know that made her happier than a motherfucker because that's what she had always wanted. To be his #1, to be his main focus, to be the only girl he called his girlfriend.

Now she no longer felt guilty about flirting with him, now she could enjoy their late night phone calls without worrying his girlfriend was going to call. She felt like a weight has been taken off her chest and she was free to do what she wanted to! But still something in the back of her head nagged at her, something about them wasn't right.

He wasn't going to tell anyone, and he didn't want her to tell anyone either. He wanted their relationship on the low and that's the part that nagged at her. She wanted to tell the world, to share the love they had but he didn't want to. She did end up telling some of her closest friends, she did love him. He was sweet and she liked that part of him…..

But she was a virgin, something she valued greatly but he was a "sex fiend". He slept with girls all the time and she didn't be one of those girls used and forgotten. But she wanted to trust him; she wanted to believe he had some good in him. She honestly did she trust him and he respected her too.

But I digress…..

She needed to talk to him, even if it was for 15 minutes and all they talked about was their friends & school. She wanted him to call her and say "What's up baby?" or when they hang up he wanted her to say "I love you". He needed to hear those things from him at least once in awhile. Even if he only said it once.

She needs someone to let her help him; she wants an equal partnership in the relationship. She wanted him to trust her and to believe her. She wanted to feel some type of closeness to him but she didn't. He didn't let her help him, he never really helped him. She wasn't close to equal in their relationship. He did trust her (mostly) and he did believe her (sometimes) but it wasn't enough.

She was in love with him, she wanted him so badly. She cherished their relationship and him. She was just a fool in love with another fool. But she was also growing tired; times were hard for both of them. Rough patches came up everywhere in their relationship, things weren't as simple as she thought and she wasn't able to do what she use to be able to do. She wasn't the free spirit she uses to be. She was no longer happy anymore; no guy could fulfill that hole because she didn't want just any guy.

Chapter 24

He was severely emotionally challenged that way, she could never get into his head and he never let down that wall that blocked her from getting in. He told other people that she was loud & annoying, he picked on her constantly and it wasn't fair. She did whatever she could to keep him happy but he didn't give a fuck about how she felt. He never once her needs before his own. He never once did anything to make her happy, he didn't care about her not really; he only wanted to fuck her and that's about it.

She realized that now and now she was in control. She was the winner in this situation; she was the one who could play these games with him. Never answer her phone, keep him waiting, leave him unsatisfied. She was going to make her feel every bit of hurt that she felt when she was so madly in love with him.

She didn't love him anymore, he hurt her so badly. Calling her loud & annoying, only calling when he felt like it, never reliable, never faithful, never loving. No he was an ass, pure & simple as that. She didn't feel like putting up with that anymore, she wanted to enjoy herself to the fullest and he was only weighing her down. He wasn't worthy of her. She was the total package (tall, beautiful, intelligent, nice) but he wasn't. There were better looking, sweeter and smarter guys out there in the world and she could have had any of them.

She deserved a guy who would treat her like a Queen, someone who would cherish her and love her more than she could imagine. She wanted a guy who would pick her up when she fell, would say the nicest things to her to make her feel better and who would really understand her. Which is something no one in her new town could do, not even 1 of her besties could do that. She never felt close to anyone, she's always had a wall up around the world.

She wanted just 1 guy even if he wasn't her boyfriend, to talk to. Who could understand her and her life. But she could never get that, she could never allow herself to trust again. Because every time she actually trusted a guy they all hurt her, they all betrayed her, no one could be trusted.

She wanted to be free and have that one person there for her. But she didn't………

But I digress……

She was going to take a break from guys; she didn't want to stress over them, she didn't want to hurt because of them, she didn't want to go crazy for them. Nope she wanted to be free. Free of her emotions, free of feelings, free of drama and free of boys. So she was going 1 whole month from January 1st to February 1st without any romantic interaction.

Chapter 25

When Inuyasha first called her a stupid bitch, Kagome had to reread the AIM message over and over and over again. She flipped out in an instant, she was just sick. She saw his true side; he never loved her, never cared about her, didn't respect her. He was nothing more than a user; he only wanted to fuck her and then leave her. She was so blind; she should have been able to see what he only wanted to do. Everyone told her that she was setting herself up for hurt and she should have listened if only she listened.

No time for regrets now, she was happy now. She was ready to find herself again and find someone who loved her for who she is. She wanted someone who brought her inner child out, she wanted someone who would make her happy, who wouldn't mind giving her a piggy back ride and who would do anything she asked (even if it was crazy) to make her happy. His happiness would be her happiness and vice versa. She has yet to find that guy.

So she'd take a break, give myself a month to stay guy-free until the new semester. That way she wouldn't have to keep dealing with the same old people time after time, she could find a new guy that she's never seen before in one of her new cases. She didn't want to have any of the old guys in her life. She was tired of her "main squeeze", her "side dish" or any other guy she had. She didn't want to love, or to have anyone else love her. She only wanted to make friends, that's all.

So she was going to focus on other people's romances and not worry about herself anymore. Time for her to focus on someone other than herself. Romance never did work for her, she fell in love too quick, and when she fell she fell hard. No point in her loving, it wouldn't make her happy. She was her happiest when she was just with her friends, she never had true happiness when she was with a guy. No one made her as happy as her friends; she just needed to be closer to them.

But I digress….

She was ready to forgive him, she wasn't angry anymore. She wasn't one to hold a grudge especially against someone she still wanted to be friends with, he knew a lot about her and she didn't want him telling the world all her secrets, she didn't have anything on him though. So when they eventually talked again, she'd tell him exactly how she felt. How she no longer loved him that she just wanted to stay friends and how she wasn't mad at him anymore. But she didn't want to talk to him, not on the phone. Nah she wasn't ready for all that, talking on the phone would make her weak.

She wasn't strong, no where close to be strong, especially emotionally cuz that's where she was her weakest. She just wanted to survive, people always say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but she has been through a lot and she isn't any stronger than she use to be. Her only strength was her mind, she was super smart and she wasn't weak minded.

Chapter 26

Kagome didn't know what she wanted anymore. She knew he wasn't good enough for her, he didn't love her, didn't respect her, didn't treat her like he should have but she also knew that she still half way wanted him. Not as her boyfriend but maybe just as friends with benefits. She loved their little flirting in class, the late night phone calls, just everything about that was appealing to her. She couldn't go back to being just friends, because she wouldn't be able to do it. She wouldn't be able to play around with him anymore; she wouldn't get those phone calls she loved so much.

She wanted to talk to him, just to see what he wanted. If he wanted to be just friends then she would accept his choice without a problem. But if he still wanted to be with her, still wanted to be her boyfriend then she'd keep him. He apologized and she'd keep him in check from now on. She was so confused right now, now was her chance to move past him to find someone new and start that month break she swore she'd have from guys but…

She had a chance at some happiness and she just didn't want to pass it up. He was only temporary, until she found a sweeter guy available. She was going to tell him how much she missed the long like 3 hour phone calls, she missed the emotions he use to have, and the thing she missed the most was how nice he was. They'd flirt in class via texting and they'd say little things that no one ever heard.

So she had to have "the talk" with him; why she waited so long to say it was a mystery to even her. She had to set some boundaries on what was and what was not acceptable. That & she wanted to get inside his head this time. If she could just accomplish those 2 things than she'd be happy again. Because right now she was out of her mind.

And he drove her to that point, he pushed her buttons, he caused her the pain she felt. She only wanted to let go of the pain and misery he put her in but to do that, she'd have to let him go. And that's something she refused to do. Even though he hurt her so bad, she still wanted him, needed him, cherished him and loved him. He was hers no matter what, and she'd never let go….

Never…unless he said. If he said those magic words that he didn't want her anymore, that he didn't care about her anymore, that he just wanted to be friends, then she'd let go. She'd detach any feelings she had for him and she'd just be his friend. Even though it'd kill her to do that, to let go of all her romantic feelings for him and just "be friends", she'd try if it'd make him happy.

That was the thing about her; she was one who loved to please others. Even at the cost of herself, she couldn't hurt him; she could make him feel like shit even though that's what he did to her. She wasn't one to do that, to disrespect someone that badly. She'd never stoop to someone else's level, it wasn't right.

Chapter 27

When Kagome realized how close it was to Valentine's Day, she thought of how she was trapped in a luckless, loveless romance. It really couldn't be called a romance in the first place and that was all his fault. He was the one who didn't treat her right, he never loved her & she still wanted him, more than anything in the world.

She wrote a note, at first it was just a few sentence, to express exactly how she felt about him. At first it was just to vent, to release that pent-up anger she had but then it turned into an actual letter she planned to give to him. She made it longer, more descriptive & added everything she wanted to say.

She was all set to give it to him but she couldn't. Too much raw emotion was in that letter, too much fear of him thinking she was weak or needy of him. She never was a strong one; she could express herself perfectly through actions or letters, but never in person, never in words. She felt so small and he didn't help her feel any better. He was the one who demanded respect and would cut down anyone that dare cross him. Girl or guy, friend or foe, crush or not.

He feared no one but was feared by everyone and that's where they both had a problem. They both were emotionally challenged. He had a problem with showing more than the 3 emotions he always showed (calm, angry or chill) and she had a problem being comfortable with her emotions. She could say "I love you" but she couldn't go into the emotional reasons why. OR she'd act like a major bitch just to get revenge because she couldn't tell him why she was mad.

Equal but different in their own way. She could see right there why they couldn't be together. They could never function as one; both of them too selfish and stubborn to change and work like a team. She had no desire to endure his selfishness, so she could only think of her happiness and her future. He couldn't make her happy. Not truly, he was only around once in awhile and even then he wasn't accountable; He left at a moment's notice and wouldn't always return either. She never did feel like he was truly hers, and in reality, he wasn't. She also had a piece of him but never the whole thing. She probably never would, every girl had a piece of him. She needed a guy who she could have all to herself and he just wasn't one of them.

But I digress…..

But she wrote the letter, had it all typed up. Let her best friend proofread it and edit it for grammar and punctuation only to not give it to him. She wasn't ready to make that big of a step. To trust him with her feelings, her raw emotion all poured out onto the page like a diary. She just couldn't handle that!

Dear Aquarius,

You've done nothing more than betray me, you've gone so far as to hurt me. You tore apart everything I had & you left a wound in me so deep. You've stabbed me in the heart, kicked me while I was down & you caused me so much pain emotionally. It's a wonder why I haven't gone insane. I loved you, I cherished you with all my heart, and I went out of my way to hold you close and did everything I could so you would stay. I would have gone to hell and back to be with you but you refused to have me. You only wanted to use me.

My heart you abused; you mistook my kindness and niceness for weakness and you stepped on me. I was unnoticeable to you, I never mattered. I was the one who loved you more than life itself but you never cared. You even filled my mind with a false sense of warmth, lied to me & gave me dreams of a future that we could never share & I cannot understand why? What did I do to deserve your anger & your pain because everything you felt you pushed it off onto me. Why couldn't you just be honest with me? You much rather hurt me than love me because it was easier. Easier to have me feelin so low, so broken, so alone than to just return those feelings of love.

I loved you; I could have helped you achieve your goals. I would have stayed by your side through thick & thin, we could have been together, we could have been happy. But you chose to make that one big mistake and now I'm not gonna be there. When you look around, you'll realize I'm not by your side. I'm not there to loan you money or do your homework. I won't be there the next time you ask me for something. All I can do is wonder why you never noticed me. Why you never saw me for anything but your friend? I did all I could do to make you happy but nothing I did was ever good enough for you.

I put up with you, even when you had a girlfriend; I helped you break up with her, I stayed on the phone past curfew. I always went out of my way to do things for you, to show you I cared about you. I took everything you threw at me. All the times you said you loved your girlfriend more than me, all the times you said you wanted me but you picked another girl, all the times you taunted me at school. You've been hurting me for way too long & I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry we ended this way.

All you have done to me has only made me stronger & smarter but it doesn't change how much pain you caused me, you did me wrong. You could have just been honest with me but you chose to lie. You chose to hurt me, trick me, to play me like a fool and you chose your fate. Now you've lost me for good; we're no longer undercover or friends.

You've brought me to the point, you've hurt me so much that I can't take it anymore, I had to let go of you cuz you caused me pain & sorrow. I gave you plenty of time to make up your mind & you picked another girl time after time again. Even when you knew I liked you, you still did what you wanted to do and now I'm doing what I want to. I want to be happy and I can't with you.

So I'm letting go of you, I'm letting go of the misery, the pain, the nightmare and the heartache that you cause me. Don't forget the memories we've shared. I don't regret the times we've had; I only wish things had ended differently. You played around too much & I'm not into games.

I loved you & you'll always hold a place in my heart but I've closed the door on that part of my life. I'm locking you out for now. You're the one part of my life I thought I needed to survive but now I realize my survival isn't based on you but based on love. And that's something I can get from someone else.

I'm sorry we had to end this way, wish things would have went differently.

No Longer Yours,

Pisces

(Kagome)

Chapter 28

She loved him for a person he wasn't. He wasn't a bad boy, he's not a gangster. Everything he ever told her was probably a lie. She grew to get over his "gangster" ways but now to know that none of that was true, she'd had to re-learn everything about him and learn to trust him again.

That's not something she could do. She invested months worth of getting to know him & invested hours of her time and energy on him. She'd given up all of herself to him. Only to have to go through it again? Not an option! He already broke her heart, tried her patience and got on her last nerve. She didn't have anything left to give. She gave him her heart, her trust, her love and her time but now she was maxed out. She just didn't have anything more she could give. That and she really didn't care to start all over again. If she was going to start something, it'd be with someone new. Someone she never talked to before, one she hadn't invested all of her time in. Someone special and new who could lover her better than he did. One who could remain faithful to her. One she could be with in public, to be her boyfriend. She couldn't wait on pitiful guys anymore, she had enough

But I digress….

She was still willing to give him a chance, to accept all the lies, all the bullshit, all the taunting because she was going to let what was in the past, stay in the past. She started lying to him, started taunting him so now the score was even. She was going to accept life and it came and not be so worried about fixing things all the time. She wasn't in love, but she was happy. And that's all that mattered. Not a boyfriend, not a fairytale romance, but happiness & companionship was really what she desired. And he gave her that much.

Happiness, something she had a lot of…She was always smiling about something, laughing at something or joking about something. She was a playful, giggly, happy-go-lucky type of person. She needed someone to keep her spirits high and keep her smilin all the way. And the way he was, he did just that. He was the "jokesta", the clown of the school. One of those laid back bad boys that had an interesting side. She was actually attracted to him, to his personality. He had some emotions sometimes and he was funny. His soul closely matched hers; they both had many personalities and were actually very mood but neither one of them was one to hold a grudge against the other. He was her match, her partner, he was the ying to her yang, the ice to her soda, the smile on her face. He was special to her. Both of them couldn't survive without the other .She loved how she felt around him, she loved how she fed off of his energy. She loved how his calls always brightened her day and she loved how comfortable she found around him. She just loved him, everything about him. She adored him!

And she hoped they'd have a long last companionship for many months to come, at least until she can find a better one!

Chapter 29

Kagome realized something, as she thought back to all those past girls that he tried to get with. It never worked out, either he stuck with his crazy stalk-ish ex-girlfriend or he had lots of lousy little flings. None of them were as good as her, even his newest thing of the week. Her name was Yuri and she was supposedly the sweetest thing since chocolate covered strawberries.

She wondered who this Yuri was, how did they meet, how did he know her. But she was tired of asking him in an accusatory tone. She wasn't going to harass him about his latest girlfriend or their relationship status. She didn't want to know, she didn't care enough to know. He knew they'd never last past a couple days, weeks at most. She still had his heart; he still called her even after he broke up with all these other girls. She was still the Head Bitch at the end of the day.

She was his first and his main, all these other bitches came 2nd to her. She knew that, she didn't even have to question. They made time for each other, and in a way they understood each other. She understood that he was never going to settle down with just her and he was one who needed an open relationship and he understood they'd only be in this "open relationship" until she found someone to be her boyfriend.

They were a team, a pair of crazy lovers who didn't even love each other. She no longer had those burning feelings for her and he never did have those crazy feelings for her. So they were using each other for personal gain and for once it was a win-win situation. She was going to have the time of her life; her 16th birthday was coming up soon. 12 days to be exact!

And he was thinking he was going to get lucky, he just didn't know that she wasn't spreading her legs to him. Not when he wasn't hers, not when they were just FWB (friends with benefits) Nope he was mistaken.

But I digress….

She still enjoyed herself, she still appreciated those long phone calls (the rare times she actually got them) and she still liked his personality (when it wasn't dull and emotionless). He was still her "main squeeze" and she was still his "head girl" and that's really all that mattered.

Chapter 29

Kagome kinda wished he'd take notice in her; see her for all she was and all she could be. She was a smart, beautiful, kind, sweet girl. And she could be a kinky, horny freak if she wanted to be. But he never noticed her, she still was invisible. It had been 4 months since they started talking. From November to February and he forgot their anniversary every time. She always had to remind him, he never cared enough to try and remember. He had too many girls to worry about; she was just one in 10.

IT really irked her at first, to just be one out of 3 and of course she was never number one. She was always 2nd to everyone else. But lately, it didn't even affect her. She use to feel so neglected and unappreciated around him but now she just felt nothing. She was becoming more numb and emotionless when it came to do with him. She could sometimes barely muster up enough emotion to get through a half-hour conversation.

But it's not her fault, it's not his either. Things in their lives caused them to have emotion problems. He grew up in a hard way; Parents didn't give a fuck about him, he wasn't use to any kind of love or warmth, everyone seemed to be out against him and he joined a gang just to have some type of family. So he wasn't use to be nice or talking sweet to a girl. Even his compliments were lacking. But he wasn't the only one emotionally challenged.

So was she; from an early age, she fell in love with the wrong guy, rushed into it too fast and got severely burned by every one of her crushes from 4th grade on. No one ever liked her back, or they actually did like her back but they moved away. She never got the loving relationship she longed for and she stopped trying. The guys always crushed her; always hurt her in the end. She stopped being so trusting, stopped being so forgiving, so naïve and caring.

He made her so empty; she had moments where she could be as heartless, as emotionless, and as cold as he was. She had moments where she could step on someone's feelings and walk away without a care in the world. Bitterness and pain fueled her anger and her attitude and it wasn't something pretty to see. She wasn't that girl who wanted a fairytale romance or something special, now all she wanted was companionship and happiness. Not even Love! Every girl wants a loving boyfriend to be there for her but not she. She didn't even dream of love, because love doesn't truly exist.

There is no such thing as love in high school, no such thing as 2 people being madly in love with each other. Love doesn't change the fact that he picked other girls over her, love doesn't change the fact that he doesn't call as he should, Love doesn't change the fact that she isn't happy and they aren't together. Love is just a 4-letter word people chose to use to get what they want, but it doesn't truly exist. So anyone who says love is the most magical and wonderful thing out there is obviously smoking crack and living in Disneyland because Love isn't real. Neither are fairies, pixie dust, magic or spells. They all aren't real, and we grew out of those kiddie stages where we use to believe in them, so when are people going to grow out of love?

Chapter 30

She found out he did like another girl, her name was Yuri! She was the same girl who he claimed was his "cousin" and she never did ask who Yuri was again. He told her, he confessed that he loved this girl and was sprung over her. When she first got the news (via AIM) she was hurt, surprised, disappointed, and happy. She was hurt, cuz he lied to her and because she really did like him; Surprised cuz she didn't think he'd find someone to like him more than she did; Disappointed because she kinda liked the craziness they shared; And Happy because she was glad he found someone that loved him, that could take care of him, to make him happy, even if it wasn't her.

She wasn't jealous; Yuri still couldn't beat her and what she had to offer. She still wasn't envious and she still couldn't careless but from what he said about this girl; she sounded nice, genuine, and sweet. She wasn't slutty or stupid or ho-ish like past girls he messed with. He adored her and she adored him and they could be happy together and that's all that happiness. He was going to settle down, remain faithful, and stay with her for awhile. He was willing to fight her boyfriend to get her; He was going to fight for her and be dedicated and that's a huge improvement.

He'd always be her friend; he'd always be hers in some way shape or form. He still made her laugh, he still brought entertainment to her life, and he still trusted her with some of his secrets. She felt special, even if she wasn't his girlfriend or his friend with benefits. This girl brought his soft side out, and that's something even she couldn't do. She was happy for him, happy for herself because the two of them together, in a relationship, would be dangerous. The two of them are good as just friends, and that was good enough for both of them.

But I digress….

She still loved him, she always would…but no point in dwelling over something she could never have, someone who would never love her back. She much rather move on and be happy for him then hold some old bitterness for a relationship they never had and being jealous of a girlfriend she never met. She wished the best for him & Rosie, at least they could be together and at least they could stay happy together, forever.

She would let Yuri take her place in his heart and his world and she would step down, taking her rightful place as his friend. She always viewed him as a friend and they'll always be friends. At least she knew he'd always be by her side till the end of time, or at least until the moment he died. She still adored him, she would always cherish him but at least she could now move on. At least she didn't have to be stuck in a loveless, luckless, dull romance. She was happy, he was happy, they were happy and him & Rosie were happy. That's all she needed to be satisfied.

Chapter 31

At first things between them was going well, she was managed to keep her mouth shut when it came to her opinion on things he did and she made no comments (positive or negative) when it came to Yuri. She wanted him to feel like she was ok with it, and she just wanted to let him go.

But he just wasn't satisfied with that; He just had to take everything to the extreme, just like Kagura. He wasn't happy with hurting her, using her, lying to her and being an ass but then has the balls to call her a bitch in class in Spanish like he didn't want her. He wanted her and her virginity but thankfully she held her ground and didn't let him steal that from her (even though he stole her heart)

The damage he did to her, she was healing from. But everyday having to deal with the both of them, it just wasn't worth it. Between his bitch ass "sister" and him, she had a huge headache that both of them created. She didn't want to deal with either of them, it was easier with Melissa. That skanky attention-whore didn't sit near her in any of their classes (the 1 they both shared) and they basically never talked so it wasn't like she had to deal with Melissa but he was a different story.

Inuyasha was a different story, that nigga had just 1 problem. He is a habitual liar, one that lies on the constant and shit so small it really wasn't funny. He uses his height, weight & social status to keep people intimidated but she was falling for that trick, that ruse. She knew and could see right through his phony ways. He was easy to catch in a lie. But that didn't change the fact that she was still hurt.

Between him, Kagura, Yuri and Kikyo, she didn't know who to trust and who was real or not. She was so tired of being stabbed in the back, and she didn't honestly know what she did to deserve that…. Kagura puts her on blast for ditching in front of the teacher and calls her a bitch, Inuyasha calls her a bitch in front of the table and tries to embarrass her, Yuri was some girl that may or may not have existed and Kikyo was the skanky trailer park ho that told Kikyo different stories every day.

She thought he was someone she could trust, but he turned out to be a faker…

And she wasn't putting up with anyone's bullshit anymore. No she wasn't going to become like Kagura (a loud ghetto-fab bitch who blasts everyone and anyone) but she was going to be passive aggressive. She was going to start calling people on their shit and keep in their minds who she was and what she could do.

She was tired of being everybody's "go to" girl but nobody had time for her, she was sick of everything and everybody especially at her school. So it was time for a change, and that started and included everybody

Chapter 32

Things slowly began to calm down. Ayame, Kagura & Kagome lost the drama that plagued them for a week. And she even went so far as to forgive Inuyasha, even though he hurt her so many times in so many different ways for months. But she should have never trusted him, so many times he hurt her…So many times he stabbed her in the back and he showed his true side to her several times before but she is so naïve, and way too forgiving and she let him back.

But she didn't trust him fully, she had just 1 test. Something simple and with the help of her best friend Sango, she tested him through Myspace. She had Sango flirt with Inuyasha on Myspace and he failed. Rather than rejecting Sango's flirting style, he actually told Sango that he liked her, put her on his top (#1 spot) on his page and told her that he no longer wanted Kagome. This was no surprise! Inuyasha puts every girl before her, even one that is 500 miles away.

So of course she started feeling the heartache & heartbreak associated with Inuyasha. It's a common feeling when dealing with him. He's nothing more than a playa. And she was foolish for ever trusting him or talking to him again. But she moved on, she had other guys. She stopped counting on Joe to change, or for him to finally open his eyes and realize just how wonderful she is.

She had a list of guys she was kinda feeling! She liked this one guy from her first period class. He is a Filipino guy with crazy hair and always sleepy. His hair is always in some crazy, out of control, uncombed style but it still looks sexy and he is so beautiful in like every way.

She was also kinda feelin his other guy from 2nd & 4th period, they had a very rocky relationship though and he was feeling a ton of other girls and she wasn't ready to fight for his attention yet. She didn't want to settle down to just 1 guy yet. So she was also sorta slightly feeling this one other guy.

But I digress….

None of those guys were right for her. They all were plagued with problems, drama and other things. So she decided to leave them be and keep to herself.

42


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